How Shyness is a Narcissistic Prison

Sometimes it’s the most trivial beliefs that blankets our entire perception. Everyone has experienced shyness. Some more than others. Some in public settings when speaking in front of a group or surrounded by new people at a large gathering or perhaps walking into a new setting where everyone already knows each other. Or perhaps one on one with either a new person or someone you are taken aback by.

shy-blocksWe feel the eyes on us that are sizing us up, even judging us. And when you think about it, this happens in a matter of literally seconds and then dismissed. Think about it, we do it all the time, sometimes consciously, but mostly unconsciously. The problem is that sometimes we spend so much energy dwelling on this before, during or after the meeting or event. Some people spend their entire day boxed into this belief. It becomes insidious when underneath it we believe that we aren’t good enough. And now we unconsciously believe that everyone else is thinking the same thing. That’s truly what shyness is.

The good news is that there are several solutions!! First, everyone is thinking the same thing – while you may be worried about what others are thinking of you, guess what, they all are too! Second, its a natural human, instinctual action. Thousands of years ago, when we came across a sabertooth in the woods, we needed to know whether or not they are just passing us by or if they’ve decided we’d make a great dinner. Or when we came across a foreign tribal person while getting water at the river, we needed to size up if they were friend or foe. Fast forward today, definitely not the case. We don’t need to worry if we’re going to be sized up and judged, because we absolutely will! People can’t help it. But when it does, it happens within seconds. It’s over long after we’re still wondering about it. And regardless of what they decide, it’s not a life or death scenario.

Thirdly, if we do feel shyness, we now know that underlying it all, we have are having a momentary lapse in our belief in ourselves. We’ve just identified a weakness, and now we know where and what we need to work on! Now we can get to work! Just sit down with it and get curious. What’s this feeling trying to tell me? What’s the lesson it’s trying to teach me that once learned, I’d have an unshakable belief that I’m loved and safe? What’s the lesson that once learned, I’d be even more fortified to do and accomplish important things?

Have a great day! Remember: YOU. OWN. THIS.

If this resonates with you, and you’d like support in navigating a feelings of shyness – perhaps in networking situations, contact me!

Jade Goodhue

Jade Goodhue

Jade is an ExecuNet Career Strategist and Career Coach. Working 1:1 with high-level senior executives, Jade provides strategic guidance and coaching to help ExecuNet members land their next great opportunity. This includes uncovering their unique personal value proposition and defining competitive differentiators to advance their careers. Additionally, she provides detailed feedback for improving a personal marketing collateral—well beyond their résumé.

In addition to ExecuNet, Jade is the Founder and Owner, The Mastery Factor: Mindset and Behavior Specialist for leaders. She designs, develops and delivers one-on-one and group high-impact leadership development programs, as well as provides accountability, coaching, and cognitive and behavior assessments.

Jade served as a captain in the United States Marine Corps, she was a company commander, a black belt martial arts instructor and served two combat tours to Iraq. After transitioning from the Marine Corps, she gained a myriad of financial sector experience.

Jade holds a Bachelor of Science in Engineering and Minor in Japanese from the United States Naval Academy. She now attends the Harvard Extension School as a Candidate for a Master of Liberal Arts in Psychology. Her certifications include Lean Six Sigma Green Belt, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner, and in progress as a Board-Certified Behavior Analyst. She’s a volunteer at The Animal Foundation – a non-profit organization operating Nevada’s largest animal shelter and animal adoption center.

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