Working with people who can’t wait to “dig deep, discover their true self and illuminate the world with it,” we focus on not just landing a job, or making more money. These folks are pursuing the BIG dream or vision that will change everything for them, and bring the thrill, reward and impact that they desperately long for. In fact, this one dream has become a true calling for them.
Over time, I’ve seen that there are six vitally important mindsets and ways of behaving that pave the way for your huge dream or vision to come into being. Without these mindsets, the dream may be realized, but the path will be far bumpier, less direct, and more painful, with a greater number of errors, setbacks and losses.
These six vision-supporting mindsets are:
They believe that this dream is possible with 100% of their being, but they don’t overly attach to the “hows.”
The people I’ve interviewed and worked with who’ve done truly remarkable things in life don’t waste one second of their time wondering if their dream is possible. They’ve done the legwork, vetted the direction, and have no doubts that this is what they want to pursue and that the world needs them to.
But they make a point of not getting bogged down in the “hows” of the process. In other words,
they focus intensively on what they want, but they realize that how they get there needs to be fluid , changing, flexible and adaptable.
They act, learn, and grow, and then integrate that learning. They pursue every great new opportunity that emerges and every door that opens in support of their big vision, even if that direction might look very different from how they first saw it in their mind’s eye.
They recognize that there’s a right time and a wrong time for this dream to hatch.
When I look back at what I deeply, desperately longed for in my life (for instance, leaving my unhappy 18-year corporate life and starting my own private practice and consulting business), I see that there was a perfect timing for that and also a very imperfect one. Personally speaking, when my children were little, I simply didn’t have the energy, stamina, bandwidth or focusing capability to launch them into the world as well as birth my own business “baby” at the same time. I wanted to be there for my kids every minute I could, and for that, my corporate work followed by a period in which I earned my masters degree in marriage and family therapy provided a more structured opportunity for that. But as they grew and matured, and needed me less, my time did come and I pounced on it.
Knowing and honoring the best timing for your particular dream is vitally important if you want it to be birthed in the most effective way possible.
They don’t bother themselves with “odds” or “chances” of success.
Many people I know have a huge vision for their life or work, but stab it through the heart with constant obsessing about the odds of succeeding. They’ll say things like: “Do you know how slim the chances are of making it as an artist (or actor, or writer, etc.)?” Or “I’m too old to start this now – the chance of success is so much worse when you’re my age,” or “90% of all startups fail – why should I put myself through this only to fail miserably?”
If out of the gate you’re preoccupied with the odds or chances of succeeding or failing, then you just don’t have what it takes to make this thing happen. As comedian Monique Marvez shares in my book Breakdown, Breakthrough -
if you’re already thinking about when to throw in the towel, you shouldn’t start.
They don’t ask “Why me?” They ask “Why not me?”
Women I work with often share their doubts about their ability to make their big dreams happen. When we peel the onion, they’re actually revealing one core question: “Why me?” They wonder why they should be so “lucky” or blessed to live an amazing life, or why they deserve to have their thrilling dream come true when others can’t or don’t. Many doubt that they’re “good enough” to launch this exciting endeavor, or that they “deserve” to have the success they long for.
But that’s the entirely wrong question to ask.
The real question is, “Why not me?”
Why can’t you build what you dream of? If you believe that everyone before you who’s launched their big visions successfully were more deserving, smarter, talented, or more qualified, you’re mistaken. You’ll find (if you do the research) that many thousands of people who’ve created fantastic success on their dream path didn’t have the knowledge or capability that they “should” have had to achieve huge things (take a look at billionaire Spanx Founder Sara Blakely for one prime example).
What they did have was an undying belief that that their idea was necessary and beneficial for the world and nothing would stop them from being the one to launch it.
They recognize what they don’t know and move forward to close those gaps.
One of my biggest dreams for my life in recent times has been to write a screenplay depicting a powerful story idea that emerged in my mind five or so years ago. I knew I needed some help to make this happen, so I pursued story-writing courses (one that was riveting was Robert McKee’s STORY), read screenplays, studied film and worked with screenwriting software. But still, I wasn’t moving forward. In asking myself why this is, I recognized that, while I write thousands of words a week for my various blogs, I’ve never written a screenplay and it feels daunting to me. I struggled with even how to begin.
This year, I finally decided to go out and get some tailored help from an expert to learn more about the process of writing a powerful story with rich, complex characters. I “braved up” and asked my inspiring entertainment colleagues whom they’d recommend. Finally, this month I hired a wonderful writing coach in L.A., and already this one small act has unlocked so much in me. I see the road ahead much more clearly now.
I’ve seen thousands of people’s dreams crushed into dust when they refuse to recognize that they need a certain kind of help to lift them off the ground. Special expertise – whether that’s creative support, business help, financial guidance, marketing expertise, or other kind of training – is often the key to moving your dream forward and sharing it with the world.
They surround themselves with wonderful supporters who have the self-esteem and self-confidence to help others fly.
Finally, we’ve all heard the adage, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Is it actually true? From my research with thousands of professionals a year, I’ve seen it is. And research studies have proven that
what you let into your consciousness and who you allow to influence you will dramatically shape what you believe , feel and do.
From allowing in negative news that ruins your day, to letting naysayers and negative people shatter your hopes, what you allow into your mind and your heart will absolutely influence your self-esteem, self-image, self-reliance, positivity, and alter your belief in your own ideas, intuition and capabilities.
Those who fly high and achieve their biggest dreams surround themselves with people who are strong, positive and confident, who have a bedrock of self-esteem to stand on that allows them to happily support the ascension of others. In fact, everyone involved in achieving big dreams (or supporting others to do it) understands that the more we help others soar, the more our entire civilization benefits.
I’d love to hear all about your big, inspiring dreams and how you’re bringing them into being. Please share them below.
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